Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Dogs: The Broadway Musical

At the Neil Simon Theatre, in NYC,  there is a musical show called Cats being performed by humans dressed as cats.   This show has been boring the humans for a long time.  The ticket prices start at $59.00.  Can you believe it?  That is an enormous amount of money to watch a bunch of cats jumping around  and meowing.   I like cats, but they are not interesting to watch.  I do enjoy watching them kill birds and mice, but that is the only thing cats do that is useful.  Mostly they just hang out with their humans when they are in the mood.  From their behavior, I am not sure they  like their humans.  They also tend to be very picky about food.

On the other paw, it would make more sense to have a show about dogs.  Dogs are interesting and we love our humans.  How many cats jump on their humans as a gesture of love when they have been separated for more than 10 minutes.  Does a cat kiss their humans enthusiastically when their humans return?  I would pay  more for a show about dogs.  When do we dogs get our show on Broadway.?   I want to see the musical, Dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Bye Bye, Birdies!

Birds are evil.  I have written numerous blogs on the subject.  Evidently my humom has not been reading what she types or she is unable to comprehend what she reads.  She bought a copper bird feeder and birdseed to hang outside the house.  She thought I would enjoy watching the birds from my vantage point on the couch in front of the big window.  I am wondering if humom lost the little mind she has left.  I am going to look for hudad's air pistol, open the window, and shoot bbs at the evil birds.  A dog can take the humans most stupid actions and salvage them jnto somethihg good. Bye bye birdies!

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 19, 2017

Angel is Rccoyed

Angel Zoom Smokey was perusing some sales ads from the newspaper.  She went running to show it to humon.  Angel was so excited  because our local Rural King store is going to have a free hot got day.  I don't like hot dogs, but that is all Angel can talk about.  She thinks they will give her at least 20, maybe even 30.    I could tell her that the store is probably only giving hot dogs to the humans but I can'tbe he one to break her heatt.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Hey Diddle Diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such a sight,
and the dish ran away with the spoon.

A simple child's fairy tale or a government cover up?  You might ask, why a government cover up?  It would be an embarrassment for the humans who spent millions of dollars on the space race in the twentieth century.  

I passed by a pasture that had some cows and a couple of horses grazing on the grass.  I like both animals.  I suspect they are part of the dog family.  I spotted my long time friend, Elsie T. (the) Cow, Carrie O'Leary, and June the cow who jumped over the moon.   The tranquil scene reminded me of the nursery rhyme above.

Since  June jumped over the moon many years before the space race, I decided to ask her some questions.  She said that NASA knew about her feat.  It cost her nothing.  NASA humans spent million on the project.  If I was part of NASA, I would feel stupid.

At the time, the humans paid no attention to the cow's accomplishment.  They were to  busy chasing the dish and spoon.  The dog was laughing at the humans.  Silly humans!

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Interrogating Squirrels

According to what I have heard, the orange guy in the White House proclaimed, water boarding and other torture is okay.   With his new executive order allowing torture, I went outside and I proceeded to interrogate the little squirrel  varmints.  First I sat them on boards and I proceeded to  water board them with the hose.  They claimed that they had no knowledge of  the squirrel on top of the Donald's head.  Of course, I did not believe them so the torture continued.  I showed them an unshelled pecan wrapped in bacon and then  I ate the bacon and the pecan.  I turned off their squirellnet. Merlyn and Pearl Squirrel have a YouTube show which is very popular with the squirrels.   A squirrel spends most of his day going from  tree to tree looking for food, then they settle in and watch Squirrelnet while they eat  dinner.   After dinner, they try to find their stored food.  Squirrels  are a forgetful group.  Anyway, I knew the  loss of their entertainment  would be the worst torture of all.  This was the final item that got them to answer my question.  The squirrel
 On top of "the Donald's head is a fake unstuffed toy plush squirrel.

Now all is right with my world.  It restored my faith in squirrelkind.  I have to admit that my torture was unnecessary.  It turns out the squirrels are upset about Trump using their likeness on his head.  I understand how they feel.  I am glad Trump isn't wearing a fake husky.  The squirrels and I had a great time chatting.  In fact, they have am upcoming lawsuit against Trump For infringing on their intellectual fur.  I nope they win.   We said our goodbyes and tomorrow, I will be chasing them again.  If you are tired of watching human television, try Squirrtelnet.  The Big Acorn Theory and The Wonderful World of Squirrels ate 2 of their highest rated shows.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 12, 2017

All You Need is a Dog's Love

It has come to my attention that there are some humans that do not love dogs.  They do not understand why many humans ate so fond, even seemingly crazy about their dogs.  My brother, William had a birthday today, and both Angel and I received a new toy.  It was a squeaky raccoon with 3 squeakies.  We hit the squeaky jackpot!   I am mentioning my toy because I wanted to share my good fortune with my readers.  However, it illustrates my point about my humans and other dog owners.  There would not be so much money spent on dogs if the humans didn't love us so much.  A pet dog is the animal that gives the most affection to the humans.  

With the exception of dogs who have had humans mistreat them or homeless dogs  that have to survive without a loving human, most dogs give the humans unconditional love.  We don't care if our humans are rich or poor.  Our only judgement toward our humans is that they are the most fantastic humans on the planet.  Most humans respond to us the same way.  They aren't afraid to hug us and humans do not tend to show that kind of love to other humans.  Humans can be a bit judgmental at times though.  Just pee on the carpet and they judge you.  Am I not right, dogs?  However, they do forgive us.  In my opinion, that is why so many humans love dogs.  We love them, and they are able to love us back.  I don't think the humans will ever learn to love each other and that is a shame.

Demon Flash Bandit

Feel free to share as long as I am credited as the writer.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Royal Corgis Should be called Sir

It has come to my my attention that the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) is soon to be without Corgis.  I was appalled to learn that she used to have 8 Corgis and now she only has 2.  This blog's original subject was supposed to be why she hasm't knighted the dogs because I think it is only proper that the Queen's dogs should be addressed as Sir.  As I was researching the subject of knighting dogs, I discovered that the Queen will not allow any puppies when the older dogs go to the palace in the sky.  Naturally, she doesn't want to outlive her dogs.  I am sure someone would take care of any dogs left behind.  I think puppies help the humans live longer.

The Queen Lady  could have someone bring in the puppies only when she is sitting.  Puppies can be tripped over as the humans age, and it is understandable that she should be concerned about falling. However,  she  is still riding horses.  I like horses, but they can be dangerous.   Even Superman was hurt on a horse.  I think it was a green horse so he should have been more suspicious.  By the way,  Christopher Reeves will always be my Superman - may he RIP.

I am an older dog myself so I sympathize with the Queen Lady.  It would be nice to be a puppy longer, but that is not how the world operates. The Queen Lady has been granted a long life.  Perhaps it is time to retire and turn things over to Prince Charles. Then she could spend more time with her corgis.  Time spent with a dog is time well spent.

I am sharing an article I found in my research:

Demon Flash Bandit